Personal Blog by Rhonda Crowdis Hardisty

Archive for March, 2012

Fix My Heart

Lately I find myself irritated with others, thinking God really needs to do a work in them to correct their big flaws! Funny thing is, when I sit down to pray about it, I realize that I am the problem, not them. I need my flaws fixed! I need to sit down with God and ask forgiveness for being judgemental and expecting more from others than I expect from my self.

I have always claimed, “I am not a ‘fixer’. I have no intention of fixing anyone.” I love them just as God made them… until I don’t.

The truth is,  I AM a fixer!

I just don’t like to admit it. I want everyone to be all they can be. I want to help them get there any way that I can. The problem arrises when what I want for someone overshadows what they want for themselves, or what God wants for them. I guess I get a little excited and do more than listen and make suggestions, what’s worse, I might even get upset when my suggestions are not heeded.

I see this mostly in how I deal with close family such as my husband, siblings or children.

I realize now where this comes from. Apparently fixers breed fixers! My mother was a fixer, and still is. She has the biggest heart and wants to do and be everything for everyone. I am sure that is where I learned to be this way.

Yikes! My daughters are fixers too! Now, I am challenged with teaching them to be less pushy fixers than I was at their ages! Uh Oh!

As a fixer I have taken on various roles, such as “the nagger”, the “peace-maker”, and the “whiner”.

The “nagger” is the persona I took on early in my married life as a young twenty-something mother of three. My husband could not do anything right. I nagged him constantly. No wonder he would rather stay at a friend’s house than be home with his family. I constantly told him what he was doing wrong and how he could fix it. What a NAG!

The “peace-maker” is actually a persona I see in others more than in myself. They try so hard to fix things to keep the peace that they actually end up creating more problems in the long run. They cover up others faults to make things better, but in the long run those things have to come out and the lies that hid them create new problems.

The “whiner” is much like the nagger, but less obvious. The persona mumbles and complains under their breath. Nothing is ever good enough for a whiner, but they do not beat you over the head like a nagger. It’s more subtle, but can be just as intolerable.

As a fixer, I must first learn to pray for and fix MYSELF! I cannot do and be all to everyone. I just can’t! I can, however, do and be all that God directs me to be for whomever He directs me.

God has the power and the authority to fix us all, but rather than forcing us to conform to His ways, he gives us a choice. He gives us the tools and the direction, but He does not stand over us nagging us to change. He loves us more than we can imagine and yet He gently guides us. He does not get angry when we do not change as He would prefer. We should all follow this example of how our loving Father allows us to fix ourselves.

The way to be all that God has for me to be is to stop, look and listen!

STOP trying to make others who I think they should be,

LOOK at and meditate on the Word for wisdom, and

LISTEN to God for his direction.

I can do this.

Colossians 3 says, ” 14 And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.”

Follow Your Heart?

People often say “follow your heart”, what exactly does this mean?

Following your heart seems to mean, do what feels right, but if your emotions are involved can you make a proper decision? Do you trust yourself to choose correctly when you are full of feelings that are not rational and sound? When you steal a candy bar at age 5 you are following your heart, right? At that moment, the desire of your heart is to have that candy bar. So, is following your heart a responsible move to make in larger decisions? Or any decisions.

Our hearts often long for things that are not good and acceptable for us. The Bible says, “whatsoever things are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of good report…think on these things” (Philippians 4:8).  It says THINK! With your head! It doesn’t say put it in your heart and see how it feels. Doing what’s right comes from knowing what’s right. Knowledge is in your head.

Truly, the question is whether it is best to follow your emotions or the law. Your heart is nothing but emotions. Your head is where you store knowledge of the rules God has given us to guide our lives. Your head is filled with the Word so that in times of trial or question you reach in and pull out God’s direction for that situation. Of course I know it’s not that simple, but it should be.

The thing that gets in the way of doing what is right is your heart.

That tugging, gnawing feeling that you get in your gut is your heart. It wants what feels best in the situation. It doesn’t want to hurt. It doesn’t want to struggle to make it to the next step. It wants the shortest distance to stopping any negative emotion. That’s the problem. What’s best for the moment, what feels good, is not what’s best in the long run.

When you let your heart take control you lead yourself down a path to destruction. I John 3:20 says “God is greater than our heart, and knows all things.” He is greater than our heart! Following your heart is taking the low road. It’s taking the coward’s way out. Following Him to the right decision is more difficult and may hurt, but in the end, it is what is right.

Your head is placed upon your shoulders, on top of your body. It is your leader. You choose directions in the desert based on what you see and hear. Your heart however, is a follower. It is right in the center of your being; it has no physical control over where you go or what you do.

A few more things to consider:

Jeremiah 17:9 says “the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”

Matthew 15:19 says “for out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies…”

Which will you follow? If you decide now to follow your head, your leader, your God, it will be easier to make the right decision when you are faced with a challenge. You have to prepare yourself. You have to decide in advance that you will not be led by your heart, but by your God. If you have that mindset, you will not have to convince yourself of which way to go in the midst of a situation.

Respectful Heart

Please view this video: Spread the Word to End the Word

From www.r-word.org:

The R-word, ‘retard,’ is slang for the term mental retardation. Mental retardation was what doctors, psychologists, and other professionals used to describe people with significant intellectual impairment. Today the r-word has become a common word used by society as an insult for someone or something stupid. For example, you might hear someone say, ‘That is so retarded’ or ‘Don’t be such a retard.’ When used in this way, the r-word can apply to anyone or anything, and is not specific to someone with a disability. But, even when the r-word is not said to harm someone with a disability, it is hurtful.”

Today has been set aside as a National Day to Spread the Word to End the Word. Please join us in making the pledge to stop the word at www.r-word.org

Out of a respectful heart I ask that you think about your choice of words today and how they may hurt other people. Not just the r-word, but other words you use in your every day life that may have a negative effect on others. Even using words to disrespect yourself can hurt not only you, but those who love and look up to you. If your children hear you put yourself down they may feel they too are inferior; they are made in the image of you and look up to you for who they are and who they will become.  We are all fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God and should respect each other for the perfection of who we are; exactly who God made us each to be.

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