Lately I find myself irritated with others, thinking God really needs to do a work in them to correct their big flaws! Funny thing is, when I sit down to pray about it, I realize that I am the problem, not them. I need my flaws fixed! I need to sit down with God and ask forgiveness for being judgemental and expecting more from others than I expect from my self.
I have always claimed, “I am not a ‘fixer’. I have no intention of fixing anyone.” I love them just as God made them… until I don’t.
The truth is, I AM a fixer!
I just don’t like to admit it. I want everyone to be all they can be. I want to help them get there any way that I can. The problem arrises when what I want for someone overshadows what they want for themselves, or what God wants for them. I guess I get a little excited and do more than listen and make suggestions, what’s worse, I might even get upset when my suggestions are not heeded.
I see this mostly in how I deal with close family such as my husband, siblings or children.
I realize now where this comes from. Apparently fixers breed fixers! My mother was a fixer, and still is. She has the biggest heart and wants to do and be everything for everyone. I am sure that is where I learned to be this way.
Yikes! My daughters are fixers too! Now, I am challenged with teaching them to be less pushy fixers than I was at their ages! Uh Oh!
As a fixer I have taken on various roles, such as “the nagger”, the “peace-maker”, and the “whiner”.
The “nagger” is the persona I took on early in my married life as a young twenty-something mother of three. My husband could not do anything right. I nagged him constantly. No wonder he would rather stay at a friend’s house than be home with his family. I constantly told him what he was doing wrong and how he could fix it. What a NAG!
The “peace-maker” is actually a persona I see in others more than in myself. They try so hard to fix things to keep the peace that they actually end up creating more problems in the long run. They cover up others faults to make things better, but in the long run those things have to come out and the lies that hid them create new problems.
The “whiner” is much like the nagger, but less obvious. The persona mumbles and complains under their breath. Nothing is ever good enough for a whiner, but they do not beat you over the head like a nagger. It’s more subtle, but can be just as intolerable.
As a fixer, I must first learn to pray for and fix MYSELF! I cannot do and be all to everyone. I just can’t! I can, however, do and be all that God directs me to be for whomever He directs me.
God has the power and the authority to fix us all, but rather than forcing us to conform to His ways, he gives us a choice. He gives us the tools and the direction, but He does not stand over us nagging us to change. He loves us more than we can imagine and yet He gently guides us. He does not get angry when we do not change as He would prefer. We should all follow this example of how our loving Father allows us to fix ourselves.
The way to be all that God has for me to be is to stop, look and listen!
STOP trying to make others who I think they should be,
LOOK at and meditate on the Word for wisdom, and
LISTEN to God for his direction.
I can do this.
Colossians 3 says, ” 14 And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.”