I am working on starting a series incorporating my writings and ramblings from the high school years, possibly even younger. I am going through the box in my closet which is full of spiral notebooks that I used as diaries to hold the contents of my heart. Few people, if any, knew how I really felt about most things in those days. I used my writing to get it all out in the open, or at least off my chest. Writing was very freeing for me. It seemed like writing was as good as telling my best friends, and my pen did not argue back or tell me I was stupid for my feelings.
First, let me say that I was very self-conscious of my appearance and seriously afraid of making a mistake. I am still not sure where that came from, but I continue to suffer from a fear of failure, at times. Stepping out in faith and taking risk does not come easy for me. I often feel like I need to know all the boundaries I am to abide by before I am comfortable taking the lead. Until then, I am a very shy follower, which often looks like laziness to employers and volunteer coordinators. On the contrary, once I have knowledge of my limits, I take a project and run with it full steam ahead and can be very successful in a venture.
My children often learn a lot about me by reading my blog and I believe I can learn a lot about myself in going back through my broken-hearted years and assessing myself. I also look forward to my husbands reaction to it all. We were friends in high school, but he dated my best friends, not me. Obviously, we were nowhere near as close back then as we are now, and he has a very different view of who I was at that point in life.
Finally, I believe it is important for others to see that we have all been in similar situations in our lives. There is little in life more freeing than finding out you are not alone in a dilemma or conflict whether it is with yourself or with another. When people know that you have survived a similar situation it helps them feel better about the calamities they face and the decisions they make. I hope you come along for the ride! I am looking forward to the journey. Thanks for reading.
FYI, above is a 1984-85 yearbook photo of me in my Sophomore year at Texas Christian Academy.