Letting My Heart Go

gudbye-let-me-go-heart-move-on-ballons-balloons-hearts-letting-go-lost-b47c8c174dc05d52a9daf1b2bbed76c3-h-jpgTwo years ago on Easter Sunday my family was given a fabulous opportunity to minister into the lives of two little boys who were then three and five years old. Their mother needed help starting over and making a way for her children where there seemed to be no way. The boys needed stability so the oldest could start Kindergarten in a safe and loving environment where he knew he would have food, clothing, a roof over his head, and a bed to sleep in every night. He needed stability where he could focus on his education and not worry about the hurdles his mother was jumping. They moved in with us that day and began to spend only weekends and holidays with their mother, allowing her to work and focus on school during the rest of the week.

For two years these two boys have grown like weeds. They are three sizes bigger in pants and shoes, and the youngest is about the pass up the oldest in both! The oldest is a straight-A first grade student with perfect attendance this current school year, and one missed day last year for a random high fever that only lasted long enough for him to miss school. He has learned to read and write with the help of his teachers, his Aunts, and his favorite in-home reading teacher, Ms. Beth. Thanks to an amazing football coach, a Christ-centered karate program, and a two-week intensive outpatient ADHD program at Cook Children’s Hospital, he knows his boundaries and explores life to the fullest within them.

The youngest has learned how to talk and correctly pronounce his word after two years of at-school Speech Therapy with Ms. Cross last year as a walk-in, and Mrs. B this year in Pre-K in addition to his in-home Speech Therapist, Ms. Stacy, who he calls his favorite teacher. He has also increased his ability to use his hands to open things, write, color, and tie his shoes with the help of two in-home occupational therapists this school year. The difference between then and now is light night and day. He continues to struggle with an executive functioning disorder which makes it difficult for him to sequence events or even steps in a process such as putting on his clothes or going to the bathroom, which I am working to ensure will be addressed by his new school next year. I know God has great things in mind for him.

The boys have become big brothers to my 3-year-old granddaughter. They laugh and play every waking moment they are home. She’s the boss, and they typically do what she says. When they left for 5 days of Spring Break about a week ago, she didn’t know what to do with herself. She asked one day, “where are the boys?” and stated “they miss me” as if she needed to go find them. She and the youngest spend most of every day together as he attends half day pre-k and she is home all day with her mother who acts as caregiver for the boys while I am at work, and even when I’m home in many cases. They greatly impact all of our lives.

God has been so faithful to us for the past two years, providing for all of their needs and ours. I know that He will continue to do so into the future, but it is with mixed emotions that we now prepare to return them to their mother and her new family on the last day of school in June of this year. I know that God has planted in them seeds that will flourish throughout their lives and I could not be more proud and thankful to have been able to plant some of those seeds. I know that my God is in control and has another area of ministry to move my family into as this chapter comes to a close.

I am so grateful to have been given this opportunity and look forward to where He will lead me from here. When God is in control there is never a reason to fear. There is never a reason to question. His plan is the way of peace and I will begin to soak in His peace and love as I struggle at times to accept this change. Fear is what is causing me pain at this moment. Fear of the unknown; letting go and letting God take it from here. Not being in control is hard for me, but God is good and His ways are so much higher than mine. At moments I smile and rejoice in the things that God has next for them and us, but then I cry when I think about letting them go. That’s my big lesson in this season of change is just letting go. Letting God be the Lord of my heart in all things, not just the things I allow.

Please pray that we will allow God to take the reins and through this difficulty show us more of who He is and what He would have for each of us.

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